Sadie's first Christmas
by Purpwithapen
Summary: The first Christmas is always the most precious, but will Sadie spend it with BOTH of her parents? Set the first Christmas after the finale. This will be a 3-5 chapter story written just for the holidays. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Set a month after the finale. Hopefully I have the math right about Sadie's age. (Jules was 3 months along so Sadie would've been born 7 months later. The final scene took place one year after the bombing and Sadie would be 5 months old. The finale took place during the summer (say July) so Christmas would be 5 months later so that would make Sadie 10 months old?) I wanted to get this all done for Christmas but that doesn't seem likely now. So this will be either 3 to 5 chapters and then I PROMISE I will go back to A Heart's Battle!**

"Awwww. Look at that! Did she cry?" Winnie looked at each picture Sam handed her and smiled even wider.

"Not at all." Sam smiled proudly. "She thought his beard tasted funny though." He laughed as he handed Winnie a picture of Sadie with a fist full of Santa's beard poised near her open mouth. She had one eye closed and was looking at the camera with a disgusted look on her face.

"Oh my gosh!" Winnie laughed and covered her mouth. She looked at the brown haired, blue eyed girl in her lap. "Was that beard yummy?" When Sadie looked at her and gave Winnie a single tooth grin she giggled with the adorable little girl. She felt her stomach do a small flip and pushed the nausea it caused away.

"What's so funny?" Spike asked as he approached the desk and walked to stand behind Winnie and Sadie. He looked back towards the lockers, put a quick kiss on Winnie's cheek, picked up Sadie and was rewarded with a giggle and little hands on his face. He laughed. "Hi Sadie lady." He rubbed her back with a hand and looked down at the pictures. "Aww." He smiled warmly at the picture of Sadie sitting on Santa's lap and grinning at the camera. "Did you see Santa?" He raised his brows at Sadie who smiled and looked down at the pictures. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Look at this one." Winnie held up the beard picture.

"Ugh." Spike made a face and laughed. He looked at Sadie. "How'd that taste?" He looked to Sam. "She wasn't scared of it?"

"No, but she almost pulled it off. The Santa freaked." Sam chuckled. "I had to negotiate the release of the beard."

"Ooh. How'd that go?" Spike made a funny face as he juggled the wriggling eight month old.

"Successful distraction protocol." Sam gave him a lopsided grin.

"Perfectly timed teamwork saved the day." Jules walked up and gave Sam a quick side hug before pulling back to maintain their professional distance while at work. "Good shift?"

"It was ok. One rough one. I'm waiting for Ferd to get back from SIU." Sam looked at Winnie then to Jules.

Jules nodded. "His first?" She could see in his eyes Sam was blaming himself for the way the call went.

"He's on his way back." Rollie walked up and put a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Spike walked around the desk and put a hand on Sam's shoulder. He couldn't help but chuckle when Sadie did the same. He could tell Sam could use a little extra support right now.

Sam smiled at Spike and took Sadie when she reached for him, needing the bit of comfort. He nodded in acknowledgement and looked at Rollie.

"You did what you could Sam." Rollie said meaningfully. He was proud of his TL. In the three months since he returned from paternity leave, Sam had really started to whip their team into shape. It was a little rough at first integrating Sam's style into their already established group dynamic. He'd worked the team through many trainings and even organized some team building activities outside of work. "C'mon, we'll debrief once he gets here."

"Ok." Sam nodded. "We'll meet you there." He wanted check on Ferd before they debriefed. He knew the first lethal always the hardest, although they all hurt. He gave Sadie a kiss and hugged her close. When her little arms went around his neck and her head on his shoulder he looked to Jules. The pure love and adoration shone bright in his eyes before he closed them and put his head on her back.

Jules smiled warmly. It was funny how Sadie was so in tune with Sam. It was almost instinctual the way she gave her dad extra love and tenderness when he needed it. There was no doubt that Sadie was daddy's girl.

"You got it." Rollie nodded and said his goodbyes to the rest of Team One as they gathered at the desk.

"The outfit Soph got for her looks cute." Ed smiled as he held one of the pictures.

"It's perfect." Jules smiled at Ed. "Tell her thanks again for us, but you guys don't have to keep buying her clothes. Her closet is overflowing."

"Will do. So is Izzy's." Ed smiled and nodded. "I'm expanding Izzy's closet over the holidays."

Everyone laughed.

"I put another bag of clothes from Wordy and Shel in your Jeep." Sam nodded. He put a hand on Sadie's back, she sat up straight and gave him a smile. He couldn't help but smile back. "Thanks for that little one. Daddy needed a hug." He said softly.

"We found the _cutest_ shop when we were in Hamilton the other day. We couldn't help ourselves. She got one like it for Izzy." Winnie said excitedly. She moved from the desk so that Sydney could sit down. She'd just finished briefing him on what was happening now that her shift was over.

Leah, Jules, Ed and the two newest members of Team One, Dale and Frank were looking through the pictures smiling and making comments.

"So, when do you guys leave for Italy?" Sam asked and looked between Spike and Winnie when she joined them.

Spike put a hand on Winnie's shoulder. "Sunday the 23rd at 3:25. We can't wait."

Winnie nodded and smiled, but felt her stomach flip again. Oh, please don't puke, she thought.

"Nothing to be nervous about. I'm sure Spike's ma will love you." Sam said reassuringly to Winnie who looked up at him in surprise.

"Of course she will." Spike smiled and squeezed her shoulder. He hoped Ma liked Winnie, otherwise his plans for their week in Italy would get awkward. He was so excited, he couldn't wait. "You heading to Ottawa after shift Friday?"

"Yep. My parents are so excited for Sadie's first Christmas. I'm pretty sure we're going to have to add on to the house when we get back." Sam chuckled. His mom already sent him a picture of their tree, presents overflowing from under it. He knew some of those were for the rest of the family, but a second picture showed a pile for Sadie. When Sam saw Ferd walk in, he looked to Spike. "You mind?"

"Of course not." Spike frowned slightly at the implication that he wouldn't love to hold his goddaughter. He waited while Sam gave Sadie a kiss and a hug, put his hands out and smiled when Sadie leaned towards him, her chubby little arms reaching for him. "Hey sweetheart." He cooed softly to the little girl who smiled.

Sam looked to Jules apologetically. "Be careful out there. We'll see you when you get home." He said quickly and gave Jules their usual short hug goodbye. Working different shifts sucked when it happened, but it gave them each alone time with Sadie which they treasured. Jules spent the day with Sadie while Sam got the evenings.

"See you later." Jules smiled and hugged Sam before he jogged after Team Three's rookie, Ferdinand Cheer. She liked that they shortened his name as a nickname, but their first debriefing as Team Three had been hilarious. She and Sam had a good laugh at the way the autoscripter had changed Ferd to turd. Sam told her that it'd been really hard for them to get through debrief. It didn't help that Spike got wind of it and put a fake pile of poop in Ferd's locker the next day. They'd all had a good laugh at that one.

She watched Sam stop Ferd before he got to the briefing room and talked quietly with him. Jules was so proud of the way he was taking on his role as Team Leader. He'd told her the same thing, but she was still settling in to the position. Her attention was diverted when she heard Spike's exclamation.

"Ugh. Ahh. Aww shh-" Spike lifted the arm holding Sadie and grimaced.

"Spike!" Jules warned and then laughed at the scene before her. Spike was holding her daughter up away from his body while steadying her with his other hand as green poop ran down his uniform and arm onto the floor.

Spike looked up at Winnie and then Jules with a completely disgusted look on his face. "Eww. Uh, um, help?" Spike raised his brows at Winnie who was bent over with laughter.

Winnie held her stomach as she stood up straight and attempted to stop laughing. "Come on." She put her hands on Spike's shoulders and turned him toward the lockers after Jules handed her the diaper bag she'd left at the desk.

Ed couldn't help chuckling as he approached Jules and raised his brows. "Please tell me you-"

"Oh yes." Jules smiled back and held up her phone. "I can't wait to tell Sam."

"And Ferd." Ed added and wiggled his brows.

"Oh." Jules raised her brows. Oh that was too perfect! "Spike is rubbing off on you finally." She giggled conspiratorially.

Before Ed could answer, the klaxon alarm went off and most of Team One was headed to the SUVs while Jules ran to the locker room. She knocked and entered as soon as she heard Spike say "decent!". He was buttoning up his clean shirt while Winnie was just picking Sadie up from the changing pad on the counter. "Could you-"

"Not a problem." Winnie cut Jules off before she could finish. She'd been helping Sam and Jules out with the shift transition for the past week or so and she had no problem continuing. She enjoyed spending time with Sadie, and it was good practice.

"Thanks Winnie. Ok Sadie. Momma has to go to work. Love you sweet girl." Jules held Sadie for a moment before she kissed her and returned her to Auntie Winnie. "Ready Spike?"

"Yep." Spike nodded, gave Winnie a quick kiss on the cheek before he followed Jules out of the locker room.

Winnie watched Spike go then looked at Sadie. "Whatcha think? You wanna go play?" She laughed when Sadie babbled happily. "Me too." She picked up the changing stuff and put it back in the bag before heading to the desk to let Sydney know they were going to play in conference room three until Team Three was done with debrief. She felt the nausea hit again as she walked into the conference room. She sat in the chair and looked at Sadie. She wished she could've talked to Jules before they went on shift. She put a hand on her stomach. "I hope you like to fly." She smiled when Sadie put her hand over Winnie's. Maybe she'd call Shelly. She grabbed her phone and hit speed dial.

##### SUVs heading to call #####

"Mary and Joseph Ata, 1 Seigneur Drive. Domestic disturbance. The neighbor, Albert Théodora says he and his wife Mary walked over to the Ata's to bring them Christmas cookies, but Mary Ata answered the door with a gun. Mrs. Ata started yelling at his wife, saying she was a home wrecker and was having an affair with Mr. Ata. Albert tried to grab the gun and it went off, hitting him in the shoulder. Mrs. Ata pulled his Mrs. Théodora inside the house while he got away and called 911." Sydney relayed.

"Do we know what kind of gun it is?" Dale asked from the passenger seat next to Jules.

"No. Mr. Théodora, said he didn't know."

"Ok thanks Sydney. Spike, see what you can find on both couples please." Jules made a turn. "Is EMS on scene?"

"Arriving now." Sydney answered after Spike said "copy".

"Copy." Jules nodded and looked at Dale. He'd come a long way in the past years. He started out as a temp when they needed coverage for injuries and vacations and had quickly established himself as a valued member of the SRU. She was very happy when he applied for one of the openings on Team One. It'd been an easy decision. His strength was negotiation and tactics so she often chose him for her second. After a momentary pause to consider the other members she decided. "Dale, you're my second today. We'll interview the victim. Leah?"

"Yeah boss?" Leah looked at Frank sympathetically from the driver seat of their SUV. She could see he was disappointed.

"You and Frank talk to the neighbors, see what they may know. Boss?" Jules asked Ed in the command truck with Spike.

"Copy." Leah answered and turned off her radio as Ed was handing out assignments to the rest of the team. She looked at Dale and he did the same. "You'll get your chance."

"I can't improve if I don't get the field experience." Frank blew out a breath in frustration, lifted a hand and dropped it. "She _never_ picks me as her second."

"Talk to her after debrief." Leah tipped her head to the side. "Just remember when you're the democratically elected leader you get to make autocratic decisions."

"Mmm." Frank nodded. He understood, he just wanted the chance to improve and be a better team member. He'd bring that up to Jules later. He looked at Leah. "Thanks."

Leah smiled. "Anytime."

An hour later, they were riding back to the barn. Jules had gotten Mrs. Ata to lay down the gun and let her neighbor go without anyone else getting hurt. Mr. Théodora was taken to the hospital and was going to be ok. Suddenly the alarm went off and Sydney came over the headsets. "Shots fired, 25 Noel Avenue. Neighbors say it sounded like firecrackers going off for the past couple minutes."

"Automatic fire." Ed looked to Spike. "See what you can find out about the house Spike. Sydney, put Team Five on standby."

"Team Five is in the middle of a call." Sydney looked up and saw Team Three was still in the conference room. "Team Three is still here."

Ed sighed. He hated to ask since he knew they were technically off shift and Sam would want to get Sadie home. "Ok, yes ask them if they could hang for a few minutes." Hopefully they wouldn't need to use them.

They stopped the SUV's down the block from the house and geared up.

"Spike any information on the owner of the house?" Jules asked as she headed to the command truck.

"Owned by a numbered company, 1215-23875 Corporation. There's a Guns and Gangs file on them. Looks like G & G has been building a case against the company and it's owner, Frohe Urlab a german immigrant they believe to be international gun runner Freche Junge." Spike said as Jules sat next to him.

"Junge is one nasty character. He was allegedly involved in a firefight with German police that left 15 dead, most of them officers. We need to go careful here Sarge." Jules read from the screen.

"Copy Jules." Ed nodded. He looked at the house from behind the SUV. He felt a sense of deja vu. This reminded him of the call with Roy three years ago. He'd nearly lost Roy that night and it'd scared the hell out of him. He was glad in a way that it happened as it put a few bricks in the bridge between him and Roy. They'd started hanging out more and were much closer now. "All right. Spike, call G&G, see if what you can find out about Junge."

"Copy." Spike answered with a smile. He dialed the number by heart and smiled when the familiar voice picked up. "Hey, Wordy." After several minutes, Spike hung up with Guns & Gangs. "Wordy said that they haven't been able to prove that Junge is Urlab. He's very camera shy and careful about being seen anywhere near the guns or the drops."

"Until tonight." Ed grumbled. Shit this was not good. He looked at the house again. Dammit. "Sydney, Team Three on standby?"

"Yes Boss." Sydney looked up at Rollie and Sam.

"Put Sam on." Ed said and looked at Leah next to him.

Sam frowned when Sydney told him Ed wanted to talk to him and he picked up the receiver. "We can be there in 10. Short one, but we can be there."

"I'm good Boss." Ferd said from beside Sam. He didn't feel great about having to take a life, but he could do his job.

"Short two Sam. You need to get Sadie home." Ed said with a little more force than he meant.

In the truck, Jules looked at Spike. This was a tough choice. One they hadn't had to make yet.

Sam looked to the conference room where he knew Sadie and Winnie were. One part of him wanted to be in that room and the other with Jules on this dangerous call. The choice was tearing him up and his stomach turned. "Hold one sec." He ran to the conference room and opened the door startling Winnie and Sadie. "Sorry." He breathed. "Winnie, Team One needs us on a call, I hate to impose but,"

Winnie put up a hand. "Not a problem. I can take her to your house in case she gets sleepy so I can put her own in her own room."

"Are you sure? That'd be great." Sam said relieved. He still hated the idea of leaving Sadie, but making sure she still had two parents come home tonight was more important.

"Yeah absolutely." Winnie nodded and stood with Sadie in her arms. "Go see Daddy." She whispered to Sadie who looked at Sam, smiled and put her arms out.

"Hi my baby girl." Sam smiled at Sadie who cooed and babbled. "Daddy has to go help Mommy at work, but I'll see you later ok?" He gave her a quick hug and kiss and handed her back to Winnie. "I'm not sure what we have to eat at the house, but make yourself at home. She usually gets tired around 8 so if I'm not home by then you can put her down. Feel free to use the guest room if you get tired. You're welcome to stay the night if you want."

"Ok. Don't worry, she's in good hands. I'll grab the seat from Jule's Jeep." Winnie shook her head and gave Sam a sympathetic look. She felt for the choice he was making. She wasn't sure if she could do it.

Sam turned looked at Rollie. "Let's go."

 **AN: I couldn't resist playing with the names for the holiday. Mary and Joseph Ata. Ata means holy in French. So Mary and Joseph Holy. Seigneur is French for Lord. Théodora means God's gift so Mary God's gift. Merry Christmas!**


	2. Chapter 2

As they drove to the call, Rollie looked over at his TL. He turned off his radio and waited.

Sam felt Rollie staring at him and looked to the driver's side. When Rollie pointed to his headset, Sam turned off his radio and sighed.

"I know you're tired of being asked, but are you sure you want to-"

"Yes." Sam nodded and said with finality. Ed had asked, his team, and this was the second time Rollie was asking. No, he wasn't sure about this at all. The only thing he was sure of was that his team was needed to do their jobs.

They arrived a few moments later and all ran to the back of their SUVs to gear up.

"Full gear and shields." Sam called to his team. They all answered "copy" and donned their highest level of protective gear including helmets. The six of them gathered with the members of Team One behind the protection of the SUVs.

"Ed." Rollie lifted his chin at the Sergeant. "How do you want to do this?"

"The neighbor said they thought the people were having a party. They saw at least 10 guys go in the house, but it's been quiet except for the gunshots." Spike said as he jogged up. He gave Sam a quick nod and looked at Ed.

"Ok," Ed pulled up the floor plan for the two story house and held it for people to see, "Alpha team with me, Jules and Liam. We go through the front door, clear the first floor. Bravo: Rollie, Dale and Jake take the back door, head up the stairs and clear the second floor. Charlie: Leah and Toni clear the basement. Sam, Sierra One and Frank Sierra Two. That leaves Ferd and Spike, I need the two of you watching the perimeter. Coordinate with the unis, be ready in case we have any runners. He received a "copy that" from all of them and they moved to get into position.

Jules caught Sam before he left by putting a hand on his arm. "Hey. I just wanted you to know that I'm glad you're here." She looked at him meaningfully. She smiled when a look of relief crossed his face.

Sam released the breath he was holding and gave Jules a nod. He released the pent up tension he was feeling, smiled and patted her shoulder before he turned to leave. As he walked to a nearby house, he felt lighter than he had since he left Sadie with Winnie. He ran to the neighbor's house on the west side of the target house while Frank ran to the house on the other side.

After talking to the homeowner briefly and explaining the situation he ran upstairs to the bedroom closest to the target house. He stopped briefly in the doorway and looked around the very pink and sparkly room. There was glitter all over the pink walls along with a mural on one wall of a large castle with a moat and a purple unicorn standing guard at the door. He chuckled and turned off the light, moving carefully in the darkness to the window where he set up his remi.

"Bravo in position." Rollie whispered as they gathered at the back door, he and Dale with their MP5s at the ready while Jake had the ram ready.

"Alpha in position." Ed whispered. "Sam, Frank, status?"

"Sierra One in position." Sam answered in a low tone as he sighted the upper floors. "I've only got about 50% view of the top floor and maybe 40% of the bottom. On the upper level there are three men in the bedroom on red and yellow walls. Two are pacing, one on the floor looks to be tied up. Two more in the bedroom on yellow and black. Three in the living room, red and yellow walls, one is pacing in front of the windows, the others are watching tv."

"Sierra Two in position." Frank said over the comms. He settled into his spot on the roof of the neighbor's house. He was still getting used to the fact that the team relied on him to report what he saw through the scope. He'd thought he was just supposed to shoot when told, he wasn't used to the way Team One worked before he joined them.

It took a little time for them all to adjust. He and Ed had butted heads the first few calls because he wasn't reporting in and Ed had gotten frustrated and yelled at him. Luckily, Frank was a very direct person and had pulled Ed aside and talked to him about it before it got too bad. Ed had been apologetic and said that he didn't realize how much the team relied on him being more of an overwatch like Sam was when he was on the team. Now things were much better.

"I have eyes on the large bedroom on red and white walls, second floor. Looks like a man, definitely Junge, and woman are, uh, getting busy in there. I've got one in the kitchen, lower floor, white wall. According to the floor plans there's a large pantry and bathroom at the back by the stairs so we're blind there." Frank reported.

"The neighbor wasn't far off, that's 11." Jules looked at Ed.

"Ok, we breach in 3, 2, 1 GO!" Ed counted as everyone tensed. At the same time, Jake and Liam rammed the doors open and the teams rushed inside to shouts of "SRU! Show me your hands! Hands where I can see them!"

Liam broke off and took the man in the kitchen into custody.

Ed and Jules faced the three in the living room while the others rushed upstairs and to the basement.

Tim Fir was pacing by the window when the door burst open and three cops ran in, their guns pointed. His heart dropped in his chest and he immediately let go of the semi-automatic gun he was holding. He put us hands up and looked to Glenn who had jumped up from the couch, gun at the ready. "No! Don't!" He yelled as he saw Glenn lift his gun towards the cops. How the hell did he get himself into this, he thought as he dove for safety.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion from Sam's view. Alpha team breached first and he watched the first two subjects drop their guns. At the same time that the subject by the window in the living room yelled, Bravo had already moved into the the rooms upstairs, and he could see the subjects in the second bedroom on his side were grabbing their guns.

"Charlie, get to-" Sam got out before he saw the gun raise in the living room. He sighted and fired in what seemed like moments, but it wasn't early enough. The subject got a shot off towards Ed and Jules before he dropped. The guttural and soul splitting, "Juuuules!" that escaped his lips tore at all who heard it. Her body slumped to the floor and his only thought was, no you can't leave us. I need you, Sadie needs you.

Ed looked frantically at Jules who lay still as he took cover behind the couch and pulled her to him.

"Ed, status!" Spike yelled as he and Fred sprinted for the front door and Leah and Toni took the basement stairs two by two.

"Jules is down!" Ed looked back towards the front door as Spike, Ferd, Leah and Toni converged on them. "Charlie, status?"

Leah and Toni moved forward and secured the two subjects already on the floor.

"Four in custody, one more room to clear." Rollie whispered as Dale and Jake moved the handcuffed subjects to the landing.

"Ferd, EMS. Toni, Leah, get upstairs, back up Charlie." Ed commanded. He looked at Spike who was kneeling next to Jules checking her over. "Spike."

"Rollie, three subjects, all armed with FN Fal, Belgian automatic rifles. I have the solution, but we may need to talk them out." Sam said as steadily as he could. He lost his breath when he saw Jules fall to the floor after the shot. It nearly made his heart stop, but he knew he still had to do his job. The teams depended on it.

"On my way to you." Frank huffed as he ran down the street and to the other house. He ran up the stairs and moved to the other daughter's bedroom to set up. After a minute he radioed, "Sierra two in position. I have the solution on the man in the blue jacket."

"Through the vest." Spike breathed a he put a hand over the pooling blood. "Oh god."

"Jules. Hold on. EMS is coming." Ed took her limp hand in his.

His vision started to darken at the edges when Sam heard that. "Jules. You hold on you hear me?"

"Focus Sam. We've got her." Ed stated, knowing the others still needed him.

"Copy. I have the Canadiens jacket." Sam focused on his subject and pushed the ache in his chest away.

"You're going to be ok Jules." Spike squeezed Jules' hand as the EMTs carried her out of the house.

##### Braddock residence #####

"Shhh. Sweet Sadie girl. It's ok honey. What's wrong?" Winnie cooed as she walked a screaming Sadie back and forth in the living room of Sam and Jules' home. She didn't know what happened. They were on the floor playing with Sadie's blocks when the little girl had suddenly looked at Winnie and burst into tears.

In the past ten minutes she'd changed Sadie's diaper and warmed a bottle, but nothing seemed to be working. It broke her heart to hear the little girl crying her eyes out. It was so unusual for her. She'd always been a very happy baby.

"Dadadaa!" Sadie cried uncontrollably. "Mmmm. Mmmaaaa!"

"You want your daddy? I know love, I know." Winnie pulled the girl close and kissed her wet cheek. What was she going to do? Sadie was so upset. She suddenly had an idea and walked quickly up the stairs to Sadie's room. She walked to the bed and sat down. She grabbed the bear from the bed and showed Sadie. "Look Sadie, it's hugabug."

Sadie looked at her favorite bear and calmed slightly, hiccuping from crying so hard.

"I think hugabug could use some love. How about a hug?" Winnie smiled at Sadie and breathed a sigh of relief when she hugged the bear and Jules' voice played.

"I love you Sadie. Forever and always." Jules' voice said lovingly.

"Mmmm. Mmmmaamaa." Sadie hugged the bear close, a big tear rolled down her cheek.

Winnie pulled Sadie close. "That's right. That's your momma's voice." She wiped the tears from Sadie's cheeks and rocked her gently as the little girl held onto the bear tightly.

##### Junge residence #####

Sam raced to pack his rifle and get to one of the SUVs. The men in the room had given up easily and had been taken into custody without incident. As he was running down the stairs, rifle bag in hand he saw Ed arguing with SIU at the bottom of the stairs.

Ed took a breath and met Sam's eyes as the younger man raced down the stairs. "Go slow. Don't fall Sam." He put up a hand. He looked back at Stainton. "It's his wife dammit. You can wait."

Stainton looked at Sam and nodded. "You are not to talk to anyone about this call tonight Constable. I'll contact you tomorrow."

"Thank you." Sam said sincerely then looked to Ed. "How bad?" He asked anxiously.

"It's in the chest, but she was stable when the EMTs left. Spike went with her." Ed put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Come on, I'll drive you to the hospital."

"Ok." Sam nodded. He knew it probably wasn't a good idea that he drive himself. They hurried to the SUV and made it to the hospital in record time. "Jules Braddock? I'm her husband." He said to the girl at the desk. He wouldn't have said the second part, but the girl was new. The staff at the hospital were all, unfortunately, familiar with he and Jules. He didn't recognize this girl.

"Just a moment." The girl stood and went into the ER.

"Come on, come sit down Sam." Ed put a hand on Sam's arm knowing he'd probably been running on adrenaline and would crash soon.

Sam nodded and followed Ed to the rows of uncomfortable plastic chairs. He sat down, put his elbows on his knees and head in his hands, feeling the inevitable drain of an adrenaline crash. He looked up when he heard the crackle of a wrapper and saw a powerbar, water and coffee in front of him. He took the water and powerbar and smiled up at his former teammate. "Thanks Spike."

"She'll be ok." Spike sat on the other side of Sam and put a hand on his back. He wished he believed that. He just came back from washing Jules' blood off his hands. There was so much blood. He dropped his hand from Sam's back and looked at both of his hands. So much blood. He'd held Jules hand the whole way to the hospital, but she didn't wake up. It was surreal and so scary. It reminded him of the time Jules was shot in the side. They'd almost lost her that time.

"Hey." Sam saw Spike staring at his shaking hands and put a hand over Spike's. "Thanks for being with her. It was good to know she wasn't alone."

Spike looked up at Sam but stopped when he saw Dr. McKenzie approaching. He still felt a little uneasy around her even though their one and only date had gone well. He just hadn't felt for her what he did for Winnie.

"Sam." Dr. McKenzie gave the familiar officer an empathetic smile.

"Hey doc. How is she?"

 **AN: I know, I know! I'm posting this from my secret bunker. Lol. Sorry this took so long to post. Just a note that the next chapter may be awhile as my husband and I do a moviefest for New Years and I won't have a lot of time to write. I'll do my best though!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Sam, sit down. You look like you're going to fall down." Dr. McKenzie put a concerned hand on Sam's back.

"I'm fine. How is Jules?" Sam furrowed his brows. He was feeling drained, but he knew he had to hold on for Jules' sake.

"Come on Samo." Ed pulled on Sam's arm but didn't move him.

Sam pulled his arm from Ed forcefully. "Dammit! Just tell me how Jules is!" He glared at Ed and turned on Dr. McKenzie.

"Ok Sam." Dr. McKenzie put up her hands. "Jules was shot in the upper right chest so luckily it wasn't near her heart. It hit her lung and caused it to collapse. It broke a few of her ribs and her scapula. I understand you have a baby, was she breastfeeding?"

"Um, y-yes." Sam nodded. "Why?"

"Well," Dr. McKenzie looked Ed and Spike and back to Sam, "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, she is in very serious condition. She was unable to breathe on her own after we put the chest tube in so she is on a ventilator. The broken ribs are a concern with her collapsed lung.

As you know, breathing is difficult with broken ribs and she needs to be able to breathe deeply to keep her lung working. Of course I'm also very concerned about infection. The next couple days are going to be crucial for her which is why I'm going to keep her sedated to let her body start healing. I know this is a lot of information at once, but do you have any questions?" She eyed Sam as he had paled while she was talking.

"Can I see her?" Sam asked quietly. Oh god, Jules, he thought desolately. I can't lose you. We can't lose you. Sadie needs her mommy. He tried to imagine what their lives would be like and he couldn't. He didn't hear the doctor's answer, but he saw her nod and he followed her numbly into the ER and to the curtained area Jules was in while they got a room in the ICU ready for her.

He stopped at the foot of the bed and drew in a breath. Even with all the wires and tubes, she still looked beautiful and took his breath away. He stepped to the head of the bed and kissed her forehead. "Hi sweetheart." He sat down in the chair next to the bed and slipped his hand in hers, being careful of the IV in the top of her hand.

The deja vu hit him hard as his eyes teared and he put a hand up to touch her cheek. This was an eerie coincidence to five years ago when Petar Tomasic shot Jules on the rooftop. Why was it he couldn't ever seem to keep her from being shot? Isn't that why he agreed to go tonight, to keep her safe? "I'm so sorry Jules. I should've fired sooner. It's my fault. I'm so sorry." He leaned his head down and kissed her hand, tears flowing freely as he laid his head on the bed.

"Sam?" Heather stood back from the bed, well aware that it was dangerous to startle Sam awake. She'd put off moving Jules for the last half hour when she'd found him sleeping, but they were very busy tonight and needed the room. She cleared her throat loudly and said, "Sam. It's Heather, time to wake up."

Sam stirred, hearing someone call his name. He was disoriented for a moment until his brain caught up and he remembered. Jules was shot. He sat up quickly. "Jules?" He studied her still face.

"No, it's Heather." She stepped forward so that she was next to him at the bed. "I'm sorry to wake you, but we need to move Jules to her room. You should go home and try to get some rest. She's in good hands." She put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He rubbed a hand over his face and gave a small chuckle as the gesture reminded him of the Boss. There wasn't a day at work that Sam didn't miss seeing his mentor and second father there. It was a little funny to still call Greg the Boss, but it came naturally and still seemed fitting in a way. They were both looking forward to the team Christmas gathering in two days when they would get to see Greg, Melina, Dean, Wordy, Shel and their girls. As he stood he felt the sadness overtake him that they would miss it now.

Thoughts of Sadie entered Sam's mind. He needed to go home. He knew Winnie would've called if she had a problem, but he also knew she was on shift early tomorrow. The conflicting emotions rolled in him. The desire to be here with Jules where he knew she needed him was so overwhelming. He looked at Heather. "Do you know what room she'll be in?"

Heather nodded. "1230. Just make sure you check with them before you go in. She's susceptible to infection so they'll require you follow that protocol."

"Ok. Thanks Heather." Sam gave her a small smile, leaned down and gave Jules a kiss on the cheek. "I love you. I'll be back tomorrow. Rest up and work on healing ok?" He paused a moment inches from her face and watched her before he straightened and left the room.

##### waiting room #####

Rollie, Liam and Fred entered the waiting room with Jake and Toni following shortly after.

"Any word?" Rollie asked, looking among the group for Sam.

Ed related what the doctor told them and looked up when Sam walked out of the ER. "Sam." He rushed forward at the look on Sam's face, absolutely exhausted and drained. "Come on Sam. Come sit down." He steered Sam to the chairs and down into one. He noted the red mark on Sam's face and disheveled hair on that side and stifled a smile. After all these years, he still couldn't understand how Sam could sleep anywhere.

Spike stood from his seat next to Sam and took out his phone.

"I need to go." Sam stood. He looked to Spike. "Can you give me a ride?"

"Are you sure? I can watch Sadie when Winnie goes to work in the morning." Spike hit the button to turn off his phone. He was about to call and check in with Winnie and let her know he was on his way after he saw Jules.

Sam smiled and put a hand on Spike's shoulder. "I appreciate that buddy, but Sadie needs me."

"Ok." Spike nodded. He understood. He could see the conflicting emotions in Sam's eyes and it broke his heart.

"Let Soph and I know if you need anything." Ed gave Sam a concerned look.

"Thanks, I will." Sam gave Ed a small smile. "They're moving her to room 1230 right now."

"Ok." Ed nodded.

"I talked to Holleran on the way here. We'll be back up for Team Four tomorrow. He said to let you know to take whatever time you need, we've got you covered." Rollie interjected. "Let us know if you need anything."

The other members of Team Three and Team One added their offers of support before they headed out.

"Thanks guys. I'll keep you posted." Sam nodded to them.

"Ed? You comin'?" Spike watched his Sergeant with concern.

Ed shook his head and lifted his eyes up. "Nah. I'll see you later."

Sam put a hand on Ed's shoulder and smiled in appreciation. "See you."

"Bye." Spike turned and followed Sam to the parking lot. They got into the SUV, returned it to the barn and took Spike's car to Sam and Jules house. "How are you?" Spike asked on the way.

Sam looked at Spike and shook his head slowly. After a long moment he spoke quietly. "I can't lose her. I can't." He put his fingers to his mouth as the tears ran unchecked down his face.

"You won't. She's strong. One of the strongest women I know. She'll pull through this and be good as new." Spike said with conviction he wasn't sure he actually felt. "We'll make sure of it."

He sniffed and nodded. "Can you call the Boss?" Sam looked back out the window.

"I already did. He's heading to the hospital now." Spike turned onto their street.

"Thanks Spike." Sam said distractedly as they pulled into his driveway. He was glad Spike had offered to drive him home and drop his car off later. He barely had the energy to keep his eyes open. As they walked close to the front door, he could hear Sadie crying like he'd never heard before. It was heart wrenching. He looked at Spike and he hurried to open the door.

The scene Sam found inside broke his heart. Winnie was on the floor, gently rocking Sadie and attempting to sing her favorite song through her tears. There were diapers and wipes strewn across the floor mixed with various toys, an empty bottle and several jars of opened baby food abandoned on a plate. He walked quickly to her closely followed by Spike. They sat on either side of Winnie and Sadie.

"Winnie?" Spike said gently and put a hand on her shaking back.

Winnie looked up when she saw that Sam and Spike were here. She was so relieved she hadn't realized that Sadie had quieted when she saw her dad. "Oh Sam. I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened." She wiped her eyes and sniffed.

"Slow your breathing honey. In, hold, 2, 3, 4 release." Spike moved so that his arm was around her and her head moved to his chest.

"What happened sweetie?" Sam took Sadie from Winnie, surprised that she'd gotten so upset. Winnie, Sophie and Shelly had babysat for them several times and never had this problem. He grabbed a wipe and gently wiped Sadie's tear stained face. "You ok?" He studied her now sparkling blue eyes as she smiled at him. He looked at Winnie, concerned. "Are you ok?"

Winnie sat up and nodded. "I don't know what happened. Honestly. She was fine one second, we were playing on the floor and she just started crying for no reason." The tears formed again and she sniffed.

"It's ok. Look, she's ok." Sam smiled at Winnie and put a hand on her arm then moved it to Sadie's stomach.

"I checked her diaper and it was dry, I tried to feed her but she didn't want it. I took her upstairs and I played mr hugabug for her which seemed to calm her. She-she babbled and said dada and mama." Winnie wiped her eyes again as she felt Spike's strong embrace.

Sam looked at Sadie, surprised. "You said mama?! Oh Sadie! Mommy's going to be so happy!" He hugged the little girl close and she giggled and babbled. He pulled back and looked her over. "She seems ok now."

"She must've been really missing you." Winnie smiled at Sadie who returned it.

"Well, it was a little out of the routine." Sam said and stopped, looking at Spike.

"You don't think she-" Spike frowned but wasn't that surprised, Sadie did have a very close connection to her parents. A stronger connection than he's ever seen. Maybe she sensed that something happened to Jules?

"Maybe." Sam shrugged and looked down at a now happy Sadie.

"What?" Winnie looked between the two men. A sense of dread filled her at the look in Spike's eyes.

"Jules was shot tonight. She's in very serious condition. It broke a couple ribs and collapsed a lung so they're keeping her sedated for a few days." Spike explained when he saw Sam couldn't.

"But, she's going to be ok though?" Winnie asked nervously. Over the years she, Jules, Sophie, Melina and Shelly had become close friends. They did things together, had play dates with their kids and kept all of the boys in line which was never a small feat. They were like her sisters and it killed her to think that she may lose one.

"It's touch and go." Spike said quietly.

After a moment Winnie took a deep breath and steeled herself. "No. She's going to be fine." She looked at Sam. "She'll be fine. If you need anything at all you call us." She leaned for wears and gave Sam a hug.

"Thanks Winnie. I will." Sam smiled at her. "I'm sorry Sadie gave you a hard time. She's never done that."

"It's ok." Winnie nodded. She bent down and looked at the little girl. "You feel better now that daddy is home sweetie?"

Sadie gave her a single tooth grin and babbled, "dadda da da!" She looked up at the man holding her.

Sam turned Sadie to face him and stand in his lap. He babbled back at her and smiled. He never could stay unhappy around Sadie. She was the light of his life. He looked at the opened jars of food and to Winnie. "So did she eat?"

"A little. After we held the bear for awhile and she listened to Jules' voice she was calmer so we came back downstairs, but it didn't last long. She wouldn't take a bottle either." Winnie shook her head and looked around the living room at the carnage of the past couple hours. She started picking up the diapers and wipes and cleaning up.

"Oh, don't worry about that, I'll get it." Sam shook his head, but Winnie and Spike were already up and getting the living room put back to rights. He walked to the dining room and strapped Sadie into her high chair. He turned to help clean up the mess, but Winnie and Spike were already done. "Wow. Thanks guys. Too bad you aren't that fast at cleaning the gun cage." He grinned at Spike.

"Has Ed been telling stories again?" Spike frowned but changed it to a lopsided grin. "Besides, that's what the rookie is for."

Winnie rolled her eyes at them. She went over to Sadie who was starting to fuss and gave her a kiss. "Love you Sadie."

Spike followed suit and held Sadie's hand for a moment. "Don't worry Sadie lady, mama will be home soon." He kissed her hand and then ran a finger down the side of her cheek lovingly. He couldn't wait to have a baby of his own. Wait, did he, the eternal child, just think that? Huh. He straightened and looked at Winnie. He wondered if they should postpone their trip. He'd have to talk it over with her later.

Winnie walked to the door and grabbed her purse. "Is there anything you need before we go?" She asked Sam who had moved to the kitchen to prepare a bottle.

Sam shook his head as he turned from the stove and moved into the living room. "Thank you Winnie. You're a lifesaver. Sorry again she was so much trouble."

"Bah." Winnie waved a hand. "No trouble at all." They said their goodbyes and left.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Sadie yell. He looked at her, panicked and was relieved that she was ok, just getting restless in the high chair. She was trying to pull her legs out so that she could get herself out, but he'd already learned his lesson once.

They always pushed the tray in as close as was comfortable. He'd left it a little too loose once and she'd climbed up onto the tray before he caught her. It was lucky he saw her when he did because the arms holding the tray had started to buckle under her weight. She was two seconds away from falling to the floor. Luckily he was close enough to be able to grab her before the tray broke.

Sophie had helped with the new high chair by sewing in a couple straps and making it a four point harness which made them laugh, but feel better. He'd felt very guilty about that for awhile even though Jules had tried to convince him that it could've easily had happened to her. It had helped that Ed and Sophie shared a couple stories about Clark when he was little.

Like the time Clark nearly fell down the stairs because he climbed the gate and one of the hinges gave way. Ed found the two year old hanging from his belt on the edge of the gate laughing his head off. Ed felt bad because he'd left Clark playing in his room and thought he'd closed the door when he went to the bathroom but he hadn't and Clark nearly got seriously hurt.

It'd helped Sam release some of his guilt, but not all of it. He didn't know what he'd do if Sadie got hurt. As he cleaned up, Sadie smiled up at him and put her arms up. "All done?" He made the American Sign Language sign by splaying his palms open facing him and then turning them out. He smiled broadly when Sadie repeated the sign and added the sign for daddy (hand open, thumb to forehead). He signed and said, "good girl Sadie!"

Sam picked Sadie up and hugged her to him. When she rubbed her eyes and closed them he smiled. "Looks like someone is getting sleepy." He put a hand on her back and she laid her head on his shoulder, sighing. He walked upstairs, into her room and turned off the light, using the nightlight to make his way to her crib. He laid her down and was about to pull the blanket over her when she woke and started screaming.

"Hey, hey. It's ok sweetie. Time for bed." He put a hand on her stomach and rubbed. He moved his hand to her face and rubbed her cheek. Neither worked as the pitch of her crying heightened and she started rolling back and forth. Sam stood stunned. This was a first. It sounded like she was in terrible pain. He took advantage of the fact that Sadie was on her side and checked her diaper. Dry. He started singing one of her favorite songs, "over the rainbow" but stopped when she continued to cry and her face turned red.

He took a step back from the crib and tried to think about what Jules would do. His heart hurt at the thought. How could he do this without her? Ok, wait, he thought. There'd been a couple times when Jules had told him she'd had to let Sadie cry herself to sleep. Jules had said it was the hardest thing she'd had to do as a mother. It broke her heart and Jules had cried for hours, even after Sadie had fallen asleep. The next day, Jules had spoken to Sophie and Shelly and they told her they'd had to do the same thing. It'd sucked, but sometimes you had to let them cry.

With a step backward followed by a couple more, Sam backed out of the room and pulled the door until it was only open a few inches. He put a hand on the door jamb and sighed, listening to Sadie cry, hard. Oh man, he thought, this was tough. He walked to their bedroom and stopped.

Jules had left a trail of rose petals from the door to their bed. He followed it and the smell of her perfume to the bed. On her pillow was a note. He swallowed hard and picked up the paper with her loopy scrawl on it. It read:

 _Hi soldier,_

 _First, I wanted to say I'm sorry about our fight last night. I didn't mean what I said. I was so frustrated by that call and I brought it home which isn't fair to you or Sadie. I love you both so much and I'm so sorry I hurt you._

Sam stopped and wiped his eyes. He'd forgotten about their fight. It wasn't bad, they'd just gone to bed angry. He didn't sleep well because of it, but he'd just doubled his coffee intake for the day. He tried not think about the fact that their last words to each other were in anger. He looked at the monitor and saw that Sadie was still crying. He wiped at his eyes and looked at the paper.

 _I can't wait to spend a whole week with you, Sadie and our families for Christmas. Sadie's first Christmas is going to be so magical. I will remember it always._

 _When I get home, I hope that you will let me show you just how much I love you. Because I do you know. I love you so much Sam. Please don't ever forget that._

"Oh Jules." Sam dropped the letter and sobbed into his hands. His heart hurt. The sound of Sadie's cries permeated his tears and he stood. He walked to his little girl's room, wiping his eyes as he walked, opened the door, went to the crib, picked her up and carried her back to his room. Sadie had quieted when he picked her up and had started alternating between cries and hiccups.

"Shhh, sweet girl. I know. I miss mommy too. Hush now sweetie." Sam bounced Sadie a little and rubbed her back. He sat on the bed and scooted back until he was propped up against the pillows Sadie tucked in the crook of his arm. Sadie calmed and snuggled against Sam, putting her thumb in her mouth. Sam sighed, pulled his daughter close and kissed her forehead. She should be sound asleep soon, he thought, I'll put her in her crib in a bit. It didn't take long before his arm pulled his sleeping daughter safely to him and his eyes fluttered shut.

 **AN: Thank you for all the follows, favorites and comments. And, for your patience! I am a big supporter of teaching children sign. It really does work and help babies to communicate better! I definitely recommended it. There are tons of videos on YouTube about it so I encourage you to look them up. Thanks again for reading. Pleas continue to comment!**


	4. Chapter 4

Ed stopped at the door to the room, tears welling in his eyes. He could see the young woman from the door and the sight of her lying there with dozens of tubes and wires, again, seemed like more than he could bear. The woman he'd grown to love as a sister and teammate was hanging on for dear Iife. He finally got his feet to move and shuffled forward in the gown, gloves and mask required to enter her room. He sat in the chair and took her hand.

"Hey Jules, it's Ed. I know, this getup is something huh?" He chuckled nervously and looked down at the pale yellow gown then back at her. "Listen, I know you're trying to sleep and that's good. You need to rest up and start healing. Don't worry though, the doctor said you," He put a gloved hand to his mask and breathed deep, warding off the tears pricking at his eyes. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"She's strong. She's going I make it." Greg's voice wavered as he looked at the daughter of his heart. He'd been able to hold it together since Spike called, but reality had hit now that he was here.

"Good to see you Greg." Ed smiled and stood, gave Greg a quick hug and offered his chair.

"I'm good." Greg waved it off until he saw the stubborn look in Ed's eye. He chuckled and sat down, putting the top of his freshly sanitized cane on his knee. He took Jules' hand and sighed. "Wasn't once enough?" He asked lightly. He saw her cringe and stir. "Jules? Take it easy. You're in the hospital, you're ok." He turned to look at Ed. "I thought she was sedated?"

"I'll get the doctor." Ed said nervously and ran out of the room.

Jules fought through the fog. Where was she? What was going on? Why did she feel so damned groggy? She tried to sit up but her body wouldn't let her and she cringed. She could feel someone holding her hand so she squeezed it. The voice she heard became agitated, but was suddenly fatherly and calm. He was calling her name. "S-Sam?" She choked out around the tube in her mouth. Her mouth was so dry. She tried to take a deep breath and cringed again at the pain it caused. "Breathe. Can't." It hurt so much just to form the words.

"Easy Jules. Don't fight the tube. Stay still. You're ok. Sam is with Sadie. At home. You hear me Jules? Slow easy breaths, the doctor is coming." Greg said calmly, hoping his voice would break through to her. When her eyes flew open and she looked at him he smiled. "Hey. It's me, Greg. Sniper breathing, slow and easy. You need me to count it out?" When she nodded, her eyes panicked he counted out the rhythm several times.

Dr. McKenzie ran into the room and to Jules' side. She looked at the man in the chair and smiled. "Hi Greg. Good to see you." She started checking Jules over. "Good Jules. Slow and steady breaths. You have a collapsed lung and a couple broken ribs that's why we have you on a ventilator."

Jules nodded in understanding. She lifted a hand and made a writing motion.

"No." Dr. McKenzie shook her head. "I'm sorry Jules. You need to rest. Go back to sleep." She put her hand out, took the syringe and pushed the medicine into the IV before Jules could protest. She watched Jules' eyes drift close even as Jules was glaring at her. She looked at Greg, amused. "Boy, if looks could kill."

Greg and Ed both chuckled. "Yeah I don't want to be you if she remembers this when she wakes up." Ed raised a brow at her.

"Why did she wake up?" Greg asked.

"I'm not sure. She's obviously very strong willed, and somehow fought through the sedation. I'm sure she's worried about Sam and Sadie." Dr. McKenzie explained, looking at Jules and double checking her vitals.

"That she is." Greg nodded. "Will this hurt her progress?"

"No, I don't think so. She's not out of the woods yet, but this is definitely a good sign. She's a fighter." Dr. McKenzie smiled at them both and left with the nurse.

"That's our girl." Greg smiled lovingly at Jules and took her hand again. He thought back to the day he first met this fiery, compassionate and amazing young woman. She'd spent three years in the RCMP studying negotiation, honing her already amazing long range shooting skills and taking his classes on human behavior. When he read what else she'd been doing besides his class he was extremely impressed, but a little concerned. She was dedicated to her craft, that was sure, but was it too obsessive? No. He would never be sorry that she joined Team One, except at times like this. And, he would always feel bad now that he couldn't be there to try to protect her.

"I'm sorry Greg." Ed said softly.

Greg frowned. He wasn't sure he heard Ed right. He looked at the man standing next to him. "For what Ed?"

"I was right there next to her. It should've been me." Ed shook his head.

"Ed, stop. I'm sure you did everything you could." Greg put a hand on Ed's arm.

Ed shook his head harder. "Should've rushed them."

"Have you debriefed yet?"

"No. Tomorrow."

"Would you mind if I sat in?" Greg asked.

After a pause, "yeah that'd be good." Ed nodded.

"Good. I'll clear it with Halloren." Greg smiled.

##### Friday, December 21st, 0700 Sam & Jules' home #####

Sam moved his head. It felt like it was being squeezed in a press. He stopped and groaned when his neck protested. He started to lift his left arm, but it was being held down by something solid. He looked down into the sparkling blue eyes of his daughter. "Morning sweetie. Looks like we broke the rules last night. Mommy-" He stopped when he realized that Jules wasn't there and why. He lifted his other hand and rubbed his neck. He'd slept with his head leaning against the headboard instead of his pillows and he was paying for it. He tamped his emotions down and focused on Sadie.

He groaned as she sat up and pulled Sadie into a sitting position. When she put a hand out to his face he smiled and leaned down to her, hiding a wince. Her hand touched his face and grabbed his nose. "Gentle Sadie." He made the sign and she grinned and touched his cheek gently. "Good girl. You hungry?" He signed again and waited. She immediately signed 'milk' and he nodded. "Ok. Let's go get your diaper changed ok?" He got off the bed with her and took her to her room. He got her changed and was headed down stairs when the doorbell rang. He put Sadie in her walker, gave her a push behind the end of the couch and answered the door.

"Morning." Spike smiled and handed Sam an iced capp when the door opened slowly.

"Hey Spike." Sam said a bit surprised. "Aren't you on shift this morning?" He stepped to the side and let Spike in.

"Nope. Commander Holleran gave me the day off. He's combining Team One and Three for the day." Spike walked to the couch, sat down and smiled at Sadie who had rolled from behind he end of the couch, was babbling at him and putting her arms up. "Come here sweet pea." He picked Sadie up, hugged her and put her back in the walker when she started to squirm. "So, I'm here to watch Sadie so you can go to the hospital."

Sam sat down next to Spike and put a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks buddy, but I'm taking Sadie with me to the hospital."

Spike nodded. He could see that Sam had made up his mind. "Ok. You mind if I ride with you?"

"Sure." Sam shrugged. He looked over and not seeing Sadie turned towards the front door where he found her babbling and pushing herself towards the dining room. He chuckled, "I think someone is hungry." They both laughed and stood. "You hungry?" Sam signed and said to Sadie after he crouched down in front of her. When she nodded and returned the sign, he smiled, picked her up and put her in her high chair. He strapped her in and looked at Spike. "You want some eggs and toast?"

"Sure." Spike smiled at him but noticed the way Sam tried to hide a wince when he turned his neck. "You sleep?"

"Yeah." He nodded, moved to the kitchen and started pulling out what he needed. Sam pulled two jars of baby food from the fridge and took them Spike when he heard Sadie start to yell. "Would you mind?" He asked.

"Sure." Spike was already opening the jars. "Lets see, what do we have?" He picked up a jar and looked at it. "Apricots. Yum." He looked at Sadie and drew out the "m" which made her smile. He took a spoonful and fed it to Sadie, making noises as he did. "Ohm nom nom."

Sam smiled as he cooked the eggs and monitored the toast. He hit the button on the toaster, pulled the toast out and put two more in. He grabbed the oj from the fridge and put it on the table. He stopped for a moment and watched Spike make hilarious faces as he fed Sadie. He was going to be awesome dad someday, he thought as he walked back into the kitchen to warm the bottle. He plated their eggs and toast, grabbed the silverware and put Sadie's bottle on his plate before returning to the dining room.

After he handed Sadie her bottle, Spike dug into his eggs. They ate in silence for a few moments as he watched Sam rub his neck a few times. "How're you holding up?"

"I've been better." Sam answered honestly and rubbed his neck again. Damn, he'd have to rub some ointment into it before they went to the hospital. He took another bite of eggs and looked at Spike. He had the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes. "Did you sleep?"

"Some." Spike nodded and narrowed his eyes at Sam. Oh no you don't, he thought. "Was Sadie ok after we left?"

"We had a rough night." Sam raked a hand through his hair and looked at Sadie who was starting to fall asleep in the chair. He walked over, removed the straps and gently lifted her out with a practiced hand, easily juggling her and the bottle. "She's never cried that hard and for so long. I put her in her crib and left, but I couldn't make it the whole half hour. Shelly said to let her cry for a half hour, but I-I couldn't do it. Plus Jules-" Sam shook his head and sat back down.

"What?" Spike asked gently when Sam didn't continue.

He dropped the fork on his plate with a clang and put his head in his hand. "We, we had a fight the night before. It wasn't anything big, just frustrations and a bad day for both of us. But, we went to bed angry. We promised we wouldn't, but- what if," he looked at Spike, tears in his eyes, "what if she-"

"She's not going anywhere." Spike said with finality. "When we go to the hospital, you can tell her. Whatever needs to be said-"

"You wanna know the worst part? She spread rose petals in our room and left me a note.." Sam shook his head and looked at his sleeping daughter. How're we going to go on without her? He thought sadly.

"Oh." Spike sat back then gave Sam a look. "Yeah I hate it when Winnie does romantic crap like that." He made a disgusted face.

Sam looked up at Spike and couldn't help but laugh.

"Girls are so gross." Spike rolled his eyes which made Sam laugh harder. After they calmed down, Spike gave Sam a serious look and covered Sam's hand with his. "It's going to be ok. Jules is strong. She has a lot to live for and she is a fighter. She'll make it."

"Thanks Spike." Sam wiped his eyes and smiled at his best friend. Spike always knew how to make him feel better. He felt so lucky to have him for a friend.

"Anytime. Now give me my goddaughter and go get dressed." Spike put his arms out and took Sadie from Sam.

##### 0830 Jules' ICU room #####

As the elevator doors opened, Sam and Spike looked at each other. They could hear alarms going off, people running and talking over each other. Panicked, Sam handed a sleeping Sadie to Spike and ran for Jules' room.

Immediately, Sadie started to cry as Spike stood stunned watching the scene in Jules' room.

"Juuules!" Sam called as he tried to fight his way through the people in his wife's room. Two strong hands grabbed him but he pulled hard on them to get to her. He pushed at the unseen hands but they were strong.

Dr. McKenzie stepped from Jules' side to stand his in front of Sam. "Sam! Stop. Please!" She put her hands on his shoulders and looked in his panic filled blue eyes. "Go to the waiting room. I'll come get you when I stabilize her, but you need to let us work." She could see he was hearing her now. "Go." It was said harshly, but she knew that's what was needed. She turned back to her patient.

It took everything he had not to push past them all, but logic won out and Sam nodded numbly, letting whoever held him steer him from the room.

Greg breathed a sigh of relief and pulled Sam towards the waiting room. He was glad he was here this morning. He nodded at the large male nurse that had held onto Sam from the other side. "I've got him." The man looked at Greg skeptically, but let go and nodded. Greg steadied himself with his cane in the other hand as they walked.

"What happened?" Sam looked at the man to his right and realized it was the Boss. He stopped dead.

"I don't know. She started coughing and choking." Greg shook his head at the memory. It was scary as hell. "She couldn't stop coughing and catch her breath." He rubbed a hand over his face.

Sam put a hand on the Boss' back. "Did I hurt you?" He asked shakily. He felt bad that he'd been pulling on Greg. He wasn't as steady as he used to be.

"No, no." Greg said reassuringly. "I'm fine." He could see it'd really affected Sam, he was shaking. "Come on." They walked together to the waiting room and sat in the chairs.

Spike looked up from the floor where he was entertaining Sadie. They both looked shaken. "What happened?"

"She was fine. Then she started coughing and.." Greg rubbed a hand over his head and fought to keep the tears from his eyes.

"Did you stay all night?" Sam asked quietly after he let the Boss gather himself.

Greg shook his head. "No, Ed and I left around 10. My first class isn't until 10:30 so I wanted to stop in and see her."

"Sam." Dr. McKenzie hurried into the room and to them.

At the look on the doctor's face, Sam's heart dropped to his feet. "Oh god." He breathed, although he was sure he'd stopped breathing.

It seemed like it took forever to Greg for the doctor to walk to them and start speaking. As they stood he put a hand on Sam's shoulder in support. This looked like it was going to be very bad. He tried to steel himself, but he took a breath and held it.

"We have her stabilized." Dr. McKenzie looked at both men and motioned for them to sit down. She looked to the floor and saw that Spike was white as a sheet, kneeling and holding a crying Sadie. "Please, sit down. All of you." She guided Sam and Greg to the chairs and looked at Spike who sat back on his butt and started to bounce Sadie.

She put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam, breathe. She's still in critical condition, but she's fighting." Dr. McKenzie leaned down and caught Sam's eye.

Sam was letting that information sink in. She was alive. His gaze flicked to hers and he held it. "What happened?" He asked finally.

"She has an infection in her lungs. I know," she put up a hand to stop the question he was about to ask, "we followed the protocols, but the bullet isn't sterile and that's always a risk with a gunshot wound. We've started her on a potent antibiotic and are going to take a CT to confirm, but we believe she has ventilator pneumonia. After we get the CT, the pulmonologist is going to come see her. I'll let you know what we find."

"Ok. Thanks." Sam nodded. He took a deep breath and blew it out. "Can we see her?"

"Of course." Dr. Mackenzie nodded and stood.

Spike stood easily with a calmer Sadie in his arms and handed her to Sam.

"Come on sweetheart, let's go see mommy." Sam patted Sadie's back, turned and left the room.

"Spike." Greg said quietly. He waited patiently while Spike registered he spoke and sat down next to him. "Did you sleep last night?" He raised a brow at the younger man.

"I could ask you the same thing." Spike gave him a half smile.

##### Jules' ICU room #####

As soon as they entered the room, Sadie started leaning towards the bed saying, "mumm mummm mmmmmm mummma."

"Yes honey, that's your mommy. You wanna go see her?" He stopped next to the bed and sat in the chair. "Hey Jules. We're here." He swallowed the lump in his throat. He put his free, gloved hand on hers then looked at Sadie. "Sadie, you have to be gentle with mumma, ok?" When Sadie nodded, he moved Jules' arm out a little and laid Sadie in it. He smiled as Sadie rolled on her side, put a hand on Jules stomach, her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes.

He grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears from his eyes. He threw it away and put his hand on Jules', moved her arm across Sadie's back and onto Sadie's hand. He kept his hand on both of theirs, unable to stop the flow of tears. He bowed his head for several minutes. His voice was shaky when he spoke, "Jules. We-we need you to be strong now sweetheart. You feel her? Sadie is right here in your arms." He gave a small chuckle. "You need to get better because she has a surprise for you." He couldn't wait for her to hear Sadie say 'mumma'.

A moment later he was somber. "I need you Jules. I miss you. I miss talking to you even though it's only been one night." Sam leaned in closer to her face. "I'm sorry about our fight too." He whispered. "Please stay with us Julianna. Please." He laid his head on her shoulder, his arm still across her and their daughter as he sobbed uncontrollably.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam lifted his head when he heard Sadie start to fuss and then quiet down. He looked up confused and saw a nurse holding Sadie up so that she could nurse. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, smiled at the nurse, lifted the bed a little and took over holding Sadie to Jules' breast. "Thanks." He whispered to the nurse and smiled down at his precious daughter.

She checked Jules' vitals and put the breast pump down on the table next to the bed. She looked at the man on the other side of the bed. "I'm Vera, your wife's nurse. We pumped for her last night. Let me know when you're leaving and I'll grab it for you."

"Ok. Thanks Vera. We appreciate it." Sam said quietly.

Vera watched him for a moment. It was so sweet to see men and their babies. It was too bad he was married, this man was extremely attractive. She put her attraction away and gave him a concerned look. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm ok."

"Let me know if you do." Vera nodded and left. She felt bad for him. He looked so exhausted. A small smile played on her lips as she exited the room and saw the head nurse, Heather, standing at the nursing station. "Hey Heather."

When Sam saw that Sadie had drifted off to sleep he slid her back on the bed in the crook of her mother's arm and pulled the blanket over her. He covered Jules' chest up then leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I love you so much." He sat down in the chair and ran a hand over his face.

Spike stepped into Jules' room. His heart broke at the sight of Sadie asleep in her mother's arm. Both looked so peaceful and beautiful. He couldn't imagine what life would be like- no. He wouldn't even finish that thought. He looked at Sam who had his head in his hand. He grabbed the other chair in the room, picked it up and set it next to Sam. He sat down and put a hand on Sam's back.

Sam looked up when he felt the hand. He gave his best friend a small smile and a nod.

##########

After spending the morning hanging out in Jules' room, Sam finally decided he needed to take Sadie home for lunch and her afternoon nap. He loved his girl dearly, but she was getting very fussy. He knew it was disturbing the other patients to listen to her crying. "Ok Sadie, let's go home." He reached out and took her from Spike who had been walking and bouncing her for the last half hour.

He looked briefly at the oversized cot the nurses had brought in for them. It was big enough for him to lay down with Sadie securely in his arms. He'd tried it when she'd first gotten restless and cranky, but it didn't last long. He walked to it and pulled the blankets over it. Old habits die hard he thought with a smirk.

"Go see Daddy." Spike sing songed when he handed Sadie over. He was actually glad for the break. He loved his god daughter dearly, but when she was hungry, she was ready to eat right then and she let you know it.

"Say, 'I love you Uncle Spike'." Sam looked at Sadie who had calmed a little, but was still wiggling in his arms.

Sadie looked at her Uncle. "Lalalalalalaaalaa."

"Aww. Love you too little one." Spike kissed Sadie's cheek and smiled.

"You can come with us if you want." Sam offered again.

"Thanks buddy but I'm going to go see how Winnie is feeling." Spike smiled. He hoped that Winnie was able to sleep some more this morning. She wasn't feeling very good and had been up most of the night. He hoped she didn't catch the flu or something. She'd finally fallen asleep around four this morning and he had moved to the couch so he didn't disturb her when he got up a couple hours later.

"Tell her I- we hope she feels better." Sam corrected himself. When Sadie started crying again he grabbed the diaper bag and headed out.

"I will." Spike called after Sam and then cringed when a nurse glared at him. Oh crap. He moved to Jules side. "Probably shouldn't raise my voice in the ICU huh?" He smiled sadly. "I know, I'm such a kid. I wanted you to be the first to know though," he paused and pulled in a nervous breath. Saying it out loud made it real, "I'm going to ask Winnie to marry me." He blew out the breath he was holding.

"I was going to tell you and Sam together but.." he took her hand in his. "So we're going to need your help with everything. Planning and dresses and all that girly jazz. You guys are our best friends and.. well, you've been like a sister to me Jules. I don't know what I'd do without you. And I don't want to find out ok? Fight Jules. I love you sis." He leaned down, kissed her cheek, turned and walked out.

##### Spike & Winnie's apartment 1200 hrs #####

Winnie laid her head on the arm she had put on the edge of the tub for support. She'd never felt so terrible in her life. She'd been here for what seemed like forever, trying not to throw up but so far she'd been unsuccessful. She'd had some water before she went to sleep early this morning, but that was long gone.

She was grateful for the three hours of sleep she got, but it wasn't enough. She was so tired. Every time she laid down though, she had to run to the bathroom except this last time she basically crawled. The dry heaves were killing her already sensitive stomach. Phone, she thought dimly. Gotta call Mike. She sat up and immediately felt horribly dizzy. "Ok, I've just gotta take this slow." She said to herself. She leaned down close to the floor and with all the energy she could muster, she started crawling towards the bathroom door.

The phone was visible on her dresser by the bathroom door, but it looked like it was a million miles away. Damn, she thought, I'm in trouble. Phone. Get the phone. She took a breath and locked away the nausea that threatened to make her scramble back to the bowl. Dammit, I can do this she thought angrily.

#####

Spike walked into the apartment and listened for a moment. It was quiet except for some small sounds coming from the bedroom. He wondered if Winnie was awake and started to walk that way, cocking his head to the side curiously. He frowned when he saw the bed was empty and it deepened when he heard a frustrated, yet weak sounding growl come from further in the room.

"Winnie?! What happened?" He rushed to her when he saw her crawling slowly to her dresser. She'd made it to the doorway of the bathroom, but she was struggling to sit up. He knelt down next to her and put a hand to her face. She was sweating profusely which caused her hair to plaster to her head and she was white as a sheet. His heartbeat kicked up a notch. Something was seriously wrong.

"Mike. Phone." Winnie lifted a hand towards the phone above her, but even that was too much effort. She tried to sit up and suddenly felt herself being lifted and placed on the soft bed. She groaned as her stomach recoiled with the movement.

"It's ok. I gotcha." Spike picked her up gently and placed her on the bed. He'd never seen her this sick before. He winced when she groaned and held her stomach. He felt so bad. He ran to the bathroom closet and grabbed the puke bucket as she started to gag. He got there just in time, although it was just dry heaves.

"Hold on honey. I'm calling an ambulance." He raced to the dresser, grabbed her cell phone and dialed 9-1-1. "Yes, this is Constable Scarlatti with the SRU, I need an ambulance at this address. My fian- girlfriend is extremely sick. She's been throwing up for days and is extremely weak." He paused a moment, listened and answered their questions calmly. He knew it wouldn't do either of them any good to panic except that inside he was freaking out in every way.

Seven minutes later, the EMTs arrived, started an IV, packaged Winnie up and loaded her in the ambulance.

"I don't know. We're leaving now." Spike said into his phone as he watched them load the gurney into the ambulance. He took a deep breath to ward off the tears he felt forming. "Ok. See you in a bit."

"We gotta go Spike." Steve put a hand on the Italian's shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look. It was always tough when it was someone he knew.

Spike nodded and hung up his phone. He jumped up into the ambulance, sat and took Winnie's limp hand. "Winnie?"

"She's passed out, but her vitals are holding steady. She'll be ok." Steve looked at the heart monitor and wrote down the high rate. It worried him a little, but he didn't want to tell Spike that. "Has she been sleeping?"

"No. She was up all night and fell asleep at 4am, but she must not have been able to sleep." Spike shook his head. "I shouldn't have left her."

"I'm sure you just wanted it to be quiet so she could sleep." Steve soothed. A few minutes later they were backed into the hospital emergency room exit and Winnie was being wheeled inside.

"Spike." Wordy walked towards his friend and stopped in front of him. Poor Spike looked like a deer in headlights. "Come sit down." He steered Spike to the chairs and sat him down. He put an arm across Spike's shoulders and pulled him close. "She'll be ok."

"She's so sick. I shouldn't have left her." Spike shook his head.

##### Sam & Jules home 1630 hours #####

Sam jumped when he heard Sadie babbling. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on the couch. Damn, he'd really slept, he thought as he rubbed his neck. He turned and put his feet on the floor. "Hello my sweet girl."

"Dadadadada." Sadie smiled up at her daddy.

"That's right." He got up, went to the pack and play, picked her up and rubbed her back. "Did you have a good nap?" When she babbled and smiled, he smiled back and kissed her cheek. He sat down on the couch and sat her up in his lap. He glanced at the clock. Wow. They'd both slept for three hours, that was amazing, but he hadn't meant to be away from the hospital for so long. He'd slept at the hospital, but it'd been short little cat naps. It didn't make up for the three hours of sleep he got last night.

He spent the next half hour or so playing with Sadie and getting her diaper bag ready. He packed clothes, food and her favorite teddy, Mr. Hugabug. He knew it was probably going to be uncomfortable, but they were spending the night. It was killing him to be away from Jules when she needed him. He knew Sadie hated it too. She'd been babbling "mamma" while he packed.

##### Jules' ICU room 1730 hours #####

Sam walked towards Jules' room, laden with the pack and play, Sadie and the diaper bag, and stopped in his tracks. The room was empty. What the hell? He turned and looked at the nurse's station. "Where is she?"

Vera stepped around the end of the desk and gave him a concerned look.

His heart jumped at the look on her face. "No. Please." He whispered.

"Sam. Take a breath." Vera put a hand on his arm. He looked like he was going to pass out. "She's just went for a CT of her chest."

"Did she wake up?" Sam frowned.

"No. The output of the chest tube slowed down so we're just making sure things are going ok. You'll be glad to know her temperature has gone down some so the antibiotics are working." Vera answered.

"That is good news." Sam nodded and looked at Sadie who was reaching for Vera.

"May I?" Vera looked at Sam and raised a brow.

"Sure." Sam nodded and let Vera take Sadie.

Vera was in seventh heaven. She just loved babies and this little girl was so sweet. She was babbling happily and trying to rip her face off. She knew the baby wasn't doing it on purpose so she laughed.

"Gentle Sadie." Sam chuckled as Sadie pulled on Vera's nose.

"She's ok." Vera laughed again and looked in Sadie's beautiful blue eyes. "You're just a curious girl aren't you?" After several minutes, Jules was being wheeled back into her room so Vera reluctantly handed Sadie back. "Thanks. She's such a cutie." Vera smiled.

"No problem." Sam smiled at Vera and then Sadie. He headed into Jules' room as they got her settled again. He was struggling to set up the pack and play one handed when Vera was at his side again.

"Here. Come see me again little lady." Vera took Sadie from Sam even though he tightened his grip on the baby before he realized it was her and allowed it. She stepped back and waited while Sam set up the mobile crib. When he was done she handed Sadie back, smiled and left.

"Thanks Vera." Sam called after her. He looked at Sadie. "She was nice." He walked to the chair next to the bed and sat down. "Hi sweetheart. How're you feeling?" He sat Sadie on the bed in the crook of Jules' arm and put his hand on her arm.

He held back the tears as he looked at her peaceful face. He'd watched her sleep many times, but this was so different. She'd caught him a couple times and had laughed at him saying he was a stalker. He missed her laugh. It felt like it'd been ages since he'd heard it. The same with her voice, he longed to hear it right now.

It made him jump when he heard her voice sing: "Mr. Hugabug, hugabug, hugabug bear. If you try to find him," she gasped and he joined her. He stared at her face as the voice continued, "he won't be there. But if you're feeling blue or a little bit scared, he'll be right beside you. Mr. Hugabug bear."

Sam looked at Sadie who was holding Mr. Hugabug tight and put a tentative hand on Jules' shoulder. "Mmmmaamaa? Mmm.. mmmmamma mamamamama." He pulled her into his arms as she started to cry. "Shhh.. it's ok Sadie. Mama is going to be ok." He hoped he wasn't lying to her. He jumped again when a familiar voice came from the doorway.

"Hey Sam, how's she doing?" Ed moved into the room and came to a stop next to Sam and Sadie. He looked down at them and saw that Sadie was smiling at him and holding her arms up. "Hi Sadie." He smiled and gave her a kiss.

"They said her temperature has gone down and they just did another CT to check her chest tubes." Sam wiped his eyes quickly and looked at Ed.

"Sounds like she's improving." Ed nodded and raised his brows. "That's our girl. Huh Sadie?" He babbled nonsense to Sadie who returned it happily.

Sam smiled up at Ed. It was fun to see his soft side come out when he was around Sadie, Wordy's girls and his daughter Izzy. The usually no-nonsense, tough as nails Sergeant had a soft spot for the little ones. Sam knew Ed would probably have a soft spot for any of the kids born to his team.

"Sam, how're you doing? Did you get any sleep?" Dr. McKenzie strode into the room and stopped on the other side of the bed.

"Yeah. How's she doing doc?" Sam dismissed the question, he had more important ones.

Dr. McKenzie checked Jules' vitals and watched the monitors for a moment before answering. "She's doing well. Her lungs have improved according to the CT scan, but her temperature is still higher than I like. It is down, just not enough yet."

"So what do we do?" Sam asked as he put a hand on Jules shoulder.

"I know it doesn't sound like much, but we keep doing what we're doing. We keep supporting her and letting her lungs heal. I've ordered another round of antibiotics so right now it's still wait and see. She's a fighter though and needs you to do everything you can to help her right now. The most important is to get enough sleep. You and Sadie." Dr. McKenzie gave him a pointed look. The dark circles under his eyes were unmistakable.

"I know. We will." Sam nodded. "Thanks doc." After she left he turned to Jules. "Hear that sweetheart? You keep fighting honey. We'll be here when you wake up."

"Rest up Jules. We love you." Ed added and looked at Sadie. "Sam, I have something to tell you and I don't want you to freak out."

Sam looked up at Ed, concerned.

"Winnie was brought to the hospital around noon today." Ed started cautiously.

"What? Why didn't Spike call me?" Sam stood, anger surging. Wouldn't a best friend share that kind of information?

"Easy Samo." Ed out a hand up palm out. "He knew you went home to put Sadie down for a nap and didn't want to disturb you in case you took a nap too."

He blew out a breath and nodded. "Yeah, I did actually. Is she ok?" Sam locked eyes with Ed.

"She is. She was really dehydrated and weak so they're keeping her overnight. Come on, she's down a floor." Ed hitched his chin to the door and turned towards it, Sadie happily cooing in his arms. He couldn't wait for Sam to hear why.

"What happened?" Sam asked as they reached the stairwell and headed down.

Ed remained quiet and smiled as he held Sadie close to keep her safe.

That was odd. Why didn't he answer, Sam thought. When they reached the landing he looked at Ed confused. "Ed?" He followed Ed quickly when Ed raised his brows, opened the door to the second floor and walked through.

What the hell? Sam was about to ask for a third time when they reached Winnie's room. He walked in first and went straight to Spike who was sitting in the chair next to the bed looking dazed. "Spike?"

Spike turned to look at whoever said his name, but he couldn't register the face. He was still too stunned. Was this real? When Winnie had asked if he was ok with it, he'd said yes without hesitation. He was, but it was sinking in now and honestly, he was freaking out a little. Ok, he was freaking out A LOT.

 **AN:** Cliffy! Lol! Sorry this took so long. Just a warning that the next (and final I think) chapter will take a bit to get done. Lots of stuff going on so I won't be able to post as often.


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